Had a quiet peaceful walk on the beach now. I do this once in a while . It clears the noise out of my head and brings me closer to myself. I feel that I am living my own life and not someone else’s. It satisfies me. But I can’t call it as happiness.
As I was returning back walking, I saw couples, friends, even dogs engaged in some sort of activities, someone was smiling, someone was playing, people were laughing , hugging and enjoying the romance and some were just busy sleeping on the sand, all of them looked happy to me. I don’t know why. I asked myself, what do they have right now which I don’t have. Why am I not smiling ? And does an absence of smile on my face means I am not happy ?
I was happy. Very happy when I had a girlfriend. I had a purpose of life and it was only to make her happy in every possible way. Ah, even then I thought of ‘her’ happiness and not mine. But unfortunately she is not with me now, leaving myself for myself. But that has helped me achieved peace. Honestly life is really peaceful now.
But I do get my share of happiness in doing things like listening to my favorite band. Occasionally I will plug in earphones and headbang to the kicks and it takes me to another level . Such feeling is spiritual to me and I don’t relate that feeling only to God ( God? What’s that? ) . At that higher level, I actually feel adrenaline running fast and its difficult to express what I feel that time. Yes, that’s how I make myself happy.
Also the sound of my favorite bikes makes me happy. Royal Enfield, Rx100 , ooooh its just music to my ears :)
Yes it’s a weird ending to this post because its time to sleep and a good sleep is what makes me happy :)
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